So, I have issues. Quite a few of them really. Control issues, denial issues, father issues, self-esteem issues, avoidance behavior, passive aggressive behavior, submissive tendencies, etc., etc. You name it, right?
Right now I feel extremely lucky to be in a relationship where I am gently motivated to be the best I can be. I'm not a very good communicator, or very good at relationships in general. My boyfriend, Edgar, has found a way to get me to open up and speak from my heart on the topics that matter in our relationship. I can't express how much I appreciate that, since I can't seem to find a way to do it myself.
If communication is left up to me, more likely than not I will keep it all in until I explode, having, of course, made a couple passive aggressive remarks/comments along the way. I keep it all in for a couple reasons:
1. I hate confrontation.
2. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
3. It's very easy for me to live in a world of denial, where I can make myself believe that everything is happy and filled with roses.
I realize that this is couldn't be more wrong. Edgar is always completely honest with me, and although it's not always what I want to hear, I always know that when he says something, he means it. And when I am given the opportunity for open, honest communication, I am better able to say things in a tactful manner, so that it's more of a discussion instead of an accusation. Edgar gives me that opportunity.
It's just a very adult feeling and I feel like I am learning more. With every positive communication experience I have, I feel myself growing, hopefully into a person that can always speak honestly and from the heart. People appreciate that more - I know I do. The advice I value the most comes from the people in my life that say it straight.
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